Over Easy:Banana Schpeel

Good things can be born of disaster, but in the interests of accuracy, let me say that the reverse can be true, as I discovered a number of years ago when I was asked to write music for a Cirque du Soleil show.

For a show that you’ve almost certainly never heard of, called ‘Banana Schpeel’, Cirque wanted to do a show with a narrative structure, unlike anything else they’d done. They hired phenomenal singers, former leads from “Jersey Boys” and “Wicked” on Broadway, amazing dancers and musicians, and the usual collection of highwire geniuses, and brought in a director who was a Tony award winning clown. They’d fired a bigtime traditional Broadway lyricist and wanted someone different. I was perfect – I knew absolutely nothing about writing for the theatre. They gave me one night to write something with the show’s composer that would serve as my audition. We knocked something out, and the next mornng, after a couple of hours sleep, we taught it to the singers. The director loved it and the rest of the cast was brought in, because they were leaving the next day to perform it on “America’s Got Talent” to millions of people. This is one gutsy organization, not afraid of risk. It all went off perfectly and I continued to write for the show for about 6 weeks. The big test came when the investors from NY arrived for a run-through in the Cirque theatre on their campus in Montreal.

By chance I was sitting behind the investors, and from the opening number it was clear from their body language that they didn’t get it. Just like the preview audience in Chicago. There, the leads were fired as the show was drastically rewritten, then they were hired back, but it was too late. Banana Schpeel was a sinking ship. My songs went down with it – only one made it to the final performance of the show in Toronto. But what did Cirque do? They did what they always do – continued putting up some of the most breathtaking live shows you could imagine, leaving behind the sad aroma of ‘Banana Schpeel’.

One memory sticks in my mind from the experience – in one of the nightly production meetings they spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get a microphone hidden on a clown who was wearing nothing but tiny red underwear. (I believe the mic ended up in his hair.) During that same meeting the director and producer had to be physically separated when they disagreed about some aspect of the show. As I watched them shout and gesture from across the table, I saw out of the window of the boardroom, over the producer’s shoulder, two tiny women climbing into view up ropes where they swung, twisted and leapt ecstatically while the argument was going on.

What’s the takeaway?

If you’re given a chance to do something you’re totally unqualified for, go for it!

Bail when fate tells you there’s no other way.

And don’t try to fit a microphone into a pair of tiny red underwear worn by a clown.

Over Easy:It’s Michael

The Pacific Coast Highway was flooded and closed so my meeting with Miss Ross was moved from her home in Malibu to her room at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

The secret password was, ironically it turned out, her husband’s name. Diana welcomed me and offered me a vodka which I turned down for some reason. As I settled in, she stood by the window, glass in hand, with the rain streaming down from an ominous California sky. As I always did, I waited for her to begin. Then I looked over and saw her looking back at me in profile.

“I don’t think my husband loves me anymore, “ she said quietly. A single tear made its way over that famous cheekbone and as a long silence followed, I had a choice to make – consoler or collaborator? I chose the latter and asked if she wanted to write about it. She nodded yes and began to talk, still at the rain-drenched window, while I took notes as I always did at our meetings. The conversation veered into other topics, including plans she had for starting a record label. I was nervous about presenting the demo that I’d brought for our latest song. At our previous meeting she’d said she wanted to do a song about ‘Michael’, leaving no doubt as to who that was. She wanted to say that she was there for him, no matter what. This being 1998, with the attention being paid to Michael Jackson’s personal life, I thought this was a very bad idea, but as always, Diana was determined and of course, she was the boss. My collaborator, Tim Tickner and had I worked on something that was more or less the opposite of what we had been asked to do. The music was playful and funky and the lyric, while it had a message, was far from the supportive friend theme Diana wanted. But she loved it and did record it; although in the end, “Drop the Mask”, an oblique reference to Jackson’s habit of wearing a surgical mask in public, only came out on the Japanese version of the album.

As I was packing up at the end of our lengthy session, the phone rang, so I made for the door and waved goodbye. Diana said, “Hello?”, and then shot me an impish smile while she mouthed the words “It’s Michael”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KihJKXvkhzk

Listen for my cameo at 4:20!

Over Easy: The Goldens

Have you ever wondered what’s in Gandalf’s pipe? No, me neither.

It was easy getting lost on the backroads near Hendersonville, Tennessee. We were on our way to interview Rusty and Chris Golden, the sons of legendary Oak Ridge Boys singer William Lee Golden. William Lee was well-known; his bio described him as a singer, painter and wizard and the Gandalf/ZZ Top look made him readily identifiable (see photos below). The boys, who favoured the Bon Jovi/Warrant mullet look, had formed a band and I’d been invited to interview them at the family home, one of the oldest in Tennessee, built in 1786.

The boys seemed pretty giddy about being interviewed, at least partially because earlier that day, they’d purchased one of the oldest stills in Tennessee from a retiring fourth generation moonshiner. A ceremonial tasting had no doubt been in order. A tour of the grounds included a visit to William Lee’s sweat lodge, where he reputedly spent days at a time, and we were told to take a close look at a large painting in the entry way that had a long slit down the middle where a Union soldier on horseback had made his opinion of the work known by slashing it with his sword.

As we set up for the interview, the brothers established one condition - that we sample the new acquisition before beginning. ‘When in Tennessee’ I thought. I took a sip and was surprised by how smooth it was… how easily it went down… (as the boys suppressed giggles) until…

“Aaarrrggghhh”... A torrent of liquid flame ripped the length of my body, leaving me breathless and stunned while Rusty and Chris hooted and hollered, knee-slapping and clapping in delight at the prank they’d played on this Canadian peckerwood as they affectionately referred to me.

A roadhouse in the woods was the perfect location for the private gig that had been set up for us to shoot. While waiting for the band, I stood outside in the parking lot when William Lee introduced himself. He was every bit the country gentleman, and well into the conversation he fired up a joint and offered it to me. Admittedly a bit tender from my first experience with moonshine, still I didn’t feel that I could turn down William Lee’s hospitality and took a small hit. As we continue chatting, I was glad to know that I had survived the experience, until I noticed that the parking lot had turned into a reflecting pool and I had no idea what we were talking about. I don’t remember anything about the band, the music or how we got back to the hotel but I do know what the wizard has in his pipe.

And later that night I wrote in my notebook “white lightning bound to drive you wild”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PaWbLRBIxc

Over Easy:Rex Manning

There’s a cool indie film called ‘Empire Records’ that came out in 1995 and told the story of a local record store in Delaware with that name. The movie starred unknowns Renée Zellweger and Liv Tyler among others, has a wonderful soundtrack and completely bombed at the box office. Ideal for cult status, no?

For the first and only time, I got hired to write a song for a film. Usually, you’d hear about an upcoming picture that needed a closing credits song that encapsulated the timeless sweeping themes of the picture, was totally original while sounding like the song that had been temped in by the editor, and that the filmmakers were in discussion with Celine’s people about performing. Teams of songwriters all over L.A. burrowed into little rooms with no windows and too much gear to write the same song. It eventually would go to a friend of the director’s and in one case that person was Carly Simon. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

So, a washed up 80’s star named Rex Manning is attempting a comeback and is making an autograph-signing appearance at the unlikely location of ‘Empire Records’. He needs a signature song and we want you to write it. Ok! Oh, just one thing… it has to be called “Say No More (Mon Amour)’, which I actually think is hilarious. So my co-writer, the brilliant Ralph Schuckett, and I went to work at Dave Stewart’s studio (Sweet dreams are made of this!), and cut the vocal with Maxwell Caulfield, who’s been in lots of TV shows and movies including ‘Grease 2’, ‘Dynasty’ and ‘’Murder, She Wrote’. The lyrics went something like this.

(Oh, Rexy, you’re so sexy) spoken

You call me on my car phone with that je ne sais quoi

You say you need a little of my ooo la la

I know you get lonely in your canopy bed

But say no more baby I’ll be running every red

Say no more, mon amour

I’ll bring my lovin’ right to your front door

Here I come baby je t’adore

Lips are for kissing baby say no more

Fortunately, there are all kinds of people who love this movie and for whom Rex Manning is indeed a legend, so I was able to find the lyrics online, cause I couldn’t remember them. And there’s a music video with over 600,000 views and it’s pretty damn funny!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szvt8iWJ0oo

And the actor who played Rex, Max Caulfield, said in an interview on the 20th anniversary of the film, “I don't know what that (the song) was about. It makes no sense whatsoever."

C’est vrai, mais …

Empire Records